PA Vol. 54: The @DrizzleSez Interview, Part One

Today is a very special PA. No, we're not talking about drug abuse or the dangers of teen pregnancy. Instead, Drizzle agreed to "sit down" with me and talk about some of his life experiences and the reasons why he and I became Profound Assholes and other things. 



As many of you may (not) know, I've known Drizzle for a bit over a third of my life. When I say that the man is one of my closest friends and a brother to me, I mean that. So, I'm honored to share this one with you--mainly because you get to hear from the brother's mouth himself about his life versus me telling you "oh, he's a PA because XYZ." And, no...I won't be sharing any photos of us together. Drizzle likes to maintain some semblance of anonymity in this digital world we live in. He'll explain why. Keep reading for part one of many(?) looks into the life of Drizzle Sez.

Speed: So, how the fuck did we meet anyways?

Drizzle: EDGE. It was EDGE.

Speed: What, so we met while we were trying to not nut in a girl or something?

Drizzle: Anywho, I was going to go to college. You were going to go to college. And it was like a "hey, Black people! Come look at our college" sort of thing. Here's the trip, though. I only went to EDGE because my pops forced me to. I had a scholarship to Georgia Tech because I was smart, I could catch a ball, and I could run real fast. Maryland, however? It wasn't a full ride and I had zero interest in it. Looking back, I went to Maryland for all the wrong reasons. I met some cool folk during EDGE and afterwards and decided my school on that. Truth is, you're the only one I still talk to.

Speed: Thinking about it, that goes double for you. Everyone else faded out for many reasons. You know one of them came out a while ago, too, right?

Drizzle: I'm more than aware. She threw that in my face more than once.

Speed: What, on some fake-ass "you turned me gay" shit?

Drizzle: No, no. Never that. Maybe? The truth about that is this: I cared about this girl but was in a relationship with a girl who I cared about more. A lot more. I didn't lie or deny it to either woman. So, the one who went lesbian, she deemed me immature and such. That's not a lie; I was pretty immature. But, to this day, I feel like I responded maturely to her. Today? I'm happy that she's happy.

Speed: Sounds like me with some of my exes and former fuck buddies. Mature ass niggas for the win. So, once we were in college, freshman year was fucking insanity. What was, for you, the moment that finally set us up to be Profound Assholes?

Drizzle: Failure. One word--failure. I failed my first semester in school. I started having social issues and that got in the way.

Speed: Well, yeah, that's what I mean. My roommate was kind of racist and your roommate loved to look at your dick on the low. Your girlfriend originally was for everybody, but she decided to try and be a one-man woman. My girlfriend was a jackass who I broke up with via text message...we went through it.

Drizzle: You keep trying to press me...

Speed: This is an interview. That's what I have to do--get people talking about their shit.

Drizzle: But, I went to the counselor at school and quickly realized that none of these folk gave one fuck about me. They said they did...but they, at the end of the day, didn't. I'm not talking about the people who wanted to fuck me or be like me or whatever. I'm talking the actual counselor. They gave not one fuck. That's when it hit me. People who are paid to give a fuck don't give a fuck...so why should I expect anyone else to?

Speed: So, that's when PA began for you?

Drizzle: Eh, not exactly. PA didn't start until I became Drizzle Sez. And that didn't start until my exile. I mean, when I left for the wilds of Pennsyltucky for two years.

Speed: So, what the fuck happened then? I know we didn't talk as much during that time.

Drizzle: After college, I still had a few months of military time. When that was over, I had no job prospects I actually wanted. You and I were on rocks back then, so that's why it didn't matter too much to you. But, I got a job interview in Waynesboro, Pennsylvania. And before you ask, I don't care or really how we repaired shit between us.

Speed: That's real.

Drizzle: It happened. I feel that certain people are just meant to ride with you at certain points in your life. But, back to Pennsyltucky. It was there that I realized that the average America is stupid. No, it's there that I realized how stupid the average American really was.

The year was 2012. His Barackness had rolled out several environmental policies a few years prior.


Companies were scrambling to catch up to new regulations. So, companies up there? They took the bull by the horns and created entire company divisions to roll out the new EPA regulations. I was lead engineer for EPA rollout at Grove--the crane folks; you may see them around the city--and Cummins, the engine block people. But, while working there, almost everyone under me hated the EPA. I'm just like "If it weren't for them, you wouldn't have a fucking job."

God, people are dumb.

But, that experience did provide insight that people won't even care for themselves. It was a political eye-opener. For two years, I experienced conservative America and came back liberal as fuck. After two years, it still didn't make sense how much double thinking is needed for modern conservatism. But, I got real answers to real questions from real people.

I heard complaints about the Obeezy from people actually feeling pain. In the end, there were legitimate grievances with Obama. But, the conspiracy theories ran the entire show. For every real issue, there may've been 100 conspiracies fueling outrage. I'm not exaggerating, either. I could go for two weeks without hearing a coherent complaint. But, enough about that. What else you got?

Speed: On a day-to-day basis, what do you do with your life when you're not PA'ing.

Drizzle: But, I'm always PA'ing. On the real, I wake up. I drop a deuce. I weigh myself--I've gotten into that recently; just seeing the loss or gain from yesterday. I work, I work out. For real, I'm kind of boring. Oh, and I'm trying to save the world. No, seriously. I'm out here trying to cure cancer.

Speed: Why? I mean, it's cancer, but why you? A personal connection or--

Drizzle: Well, my moms had breast cancer. So, I guess it's kinda a bookend. It certainly doesn't hurt that I'm doing that, though. But honestly? I didn't choose it. I happened across it on Monster. Oh, and it probably didn't hurt that one of my professors--one who called me a prodigy, no less--owns the company. And, no Speed...they're not hiring at the moment.

Speed: Dammit.

Drizzle: I did a big push a few weeks ago and filled slots. Hell, Gingawd is my intern now.

Speed: I've gotta get more of you two--or all three of us--PA'ing on the site, by the way. He definitely brings a...different perspective. So, what's the craziest thing that's happened to you because of your thoughts and/or your PAs? I remember I had Ms. Pink Jacket's BFF tweet me to remove a photo of her and I got into a Twitter beef with Lupe Fiasco a few years back, along with close to a million views on the site. What about you?

Drizzle: Craziest? I'll have to think on that.

Speed: Well, while you do...what about the Butters avi?

Drizzle: That's a remnant of the "Drizzle Sez" advice column I ran some years ago.

Speed: So, will people ever see your real face or are you going to MF Doom the shit out of this shit?

Drizzle: Doomy Dooms of Doom. I'm sure people who know me know who I am and whatnot. But, the Internet doesn't. I'd like to kind of keep it that way.

Speed: Fair. So, do any of your ex-girls or ex-friends get pissed and get their Twitter fingers out when you mention something that may involve them?

Drizzle: Funnily enough, every time an ex blows my shit up? It's usually when you and I talk about shit that has nothing to do with them. But, when I speak explicitly about them, I hear nothing from them...but noise from the others.

Speed: Like the Lego Theory pieces?

Drizzle: Yeah. Or like the one where we talked about syphilis.

Speed: Or the one where we talked about someone getting DPed to the Mannequin Challenge? Did you ever confirm or deny that the chick in that video was who we thought it was?

Drizzle: I did not. The girl who used to hit me the most was the one who had the biggest effect on me. Like I wouldn't be who I am without her influence.

Speed: That's just how it is sometimes. So, with all that in mind, do you regret going to UMD? I know you said you went for the wrong reasons, but do you actually regret it?

Drizzle: Truth be told? Sometimes. I sit there and think "Maybe I would've done better at Tech. I woulda had more job prospects at Tech." For a long time, ATL has been my city. I probably would've thrived there. But, no use harping on paths untaken. I went to UMD. I met a lot--I mean, a lot--of assholes. But, I met some good folk too.

In the end, the adversity UMD gave me made me fight for shit. And fighting for shit on a professional level has me trying to cure cancer and get paid. Honestly? I didn't realize how much guap is in this business. But, when everyone else is like "the struggle is real," UMD gave me a struggle that makes me say "the struggle is mine."

I've got resources now. So, all that shit that was hard when I was a broke college student is like pissing out fires now. Ultimately, even though UMD showed me shit I would have gladly ignored, I'm not defined by UMD and its nonsense. I'll root for UMD sports, but you're not gonna see a UMD bumper sticker on my shit. It was a stepping stone and the best has yet to come.

We're not defined by Terpness like some of our peers.

I don't want people judging my skills on the fact I went to Maryland. I want them judging my skills on my Cummins engine, my Grove cranes, my government contracts, etc. It ain't even really give me life skills. College gave me a diplmoa. I could've learned all that in a public library. But, the diploma was what I needed.

Speed: So, at UMD, there was a time where we were all hanging out and dancing and shit. Out pops a gun. Where the fuck did that come from?

Drizzle: Okok, guns are cool. We were out. People was running the neighborhood we lived in. Having heat just seemed like a good idea at the time. Obviously, my goal wasn't to scare white people or put the push on someone. Straight up, Speed, you put targets on our backs.

Let's be real. Even back then, we had no problem barking at bigger dogs than us. And you were beefing with a bunch of townies. Add that to UMD being ranked one of the most-dangerous campuses in America and the fact that I've never been someone to get on my knees and cry. I fight.

The gun?

Ed. Note: Not the actual gun

That was me doing what conservatives been doing for years and what Americans have been doing for decades and centuries--holding a weapon to fight back. I never believed a gun to be a shield and didn't act like it protected me. I knew it was a sword, it was offense. On guns? I feel that people don't make that distinction. I carried that thing religiously for a year and a half and no one saw me bucking at people left and right. I lived my life, but I was ready to fight.

Too many people think that people ready to fight is cause to fight. I arguably got into less beef when I was carrying because I knew I would use it. People don't deserve to be shot over a bus seat or a sly comment. It actually made me more calm and reasonable when it came to conflict. I had to stop and think.

I had to say "does this dude deserve to die? Because if we get into it, that's what could happen." So, when niggas would come to me on some "oh, you gonna let him say that?" shit, I'd be like "yeah." Because in my mind, his little pride versus mine wasn't worth his life.

Speed: Fair. And I didn't start beef with anyone. People just took what I said the wrong way. But, regardless all that, what was the stupidest thing you saw at Maryland?

Drizzle: White people. Oh, you want me to elaborate? Well, I lived with pale folk. I was a bouncer at a bar with pale folks. And the precautions I took, they called paranoid. Nah. Just don't go posting pictures of me saucing or smoking on Facebook. Matter of fact? Toss your camera. The shit I saw. Once heard a dude laugh about putting an Everclear-soaked tampon up his ass. Saw another one laugh about trying to steal drugs from a Black guy. God, they were dumb.

Truth be told, my bio would be assumed to be fiction. It was need evidence, testimonials, and pictorial evidence. And it was mostly my fault.

Speed: How so?

Drizzle: Because I would insert myself in pre-existing drama because I always thought I could fix it. So, most of the shit is drama caused by someone else that I tried to fix. For a while, that was my underground job. I could mediate with the best of them.

Speed: I tried that for a while, mediation. Then I realized that you can't combat crazy with crazy. Unless you're the President--

Drizzle: Or bigger than the niggas beefing. Then, you can pull people in with the guarantee of your protection that they can have it out in words without fear of a beatdown. Most of my ragers at Courtyards were based around doing this. Well, that and drug deals.

Speed: Makes sense.

Drizzle: Well, the number one reason most of the bourghetto crowds washed their hands of me is because of two things. The way I treated women, which I'll get into later, and the fact I was knee deep in drugs. Fuck it, the statute of limitations is long gone. After you and I stopped being roommates officially and I went to my penthouse out there, I started selling. Hard. I wasn't a user. I'd blaze up, but I never powdered my nose.

My school money had run out. This was before the military by the way. I was feeling some type of way. I had a longtime connect who ain't mind making more money through me and I was pissed about being broke phi broke again. Mix that in with me working at the bar and the club and it was no time before I had cashflow and a damn army.

Speed: I was there for most of that.

Drizzle: But, we've gotta call it what it was. And that's stupid. The people who left turned out to be right. It was one of the sketchy individuals who brought me down. They tried to get me pinned on guns because he knew I was heavy in my crib. I got lucky, though. One of the people said he was running his mouth. So, we had the guns moved to Gingawd's house before they ran through my crib. So, that fizzled out.

But, I was through. Until Pennsylvania, that is. But, I switched up. I was on my way to boot camp that next week. I came back. I did my classes, then I shipped out. But, the whole time I was in that apartment, the mediation ain't stop. So, I got more craziness from people.

But, I had a cool-ass roommate at the time. We all thought he was gay until we started seeing all these girls roll out after he, you know, properly fucked the daylights out of them. He's got some swanky government job now, so I won't say much more on him.

Speed: I always remember your roommate and his DuClaw beers.

Drizzle: Right.

Speed: Switching gears, have you ever had your heart broken?


And, for those who're going through that now, what type of advice would you give them?

Drizzle: Yeah. I have. Remember when I said there was a girl who influenced me the most? That was my last biggest heartbreak. So far, of course. It hurt so much because you, sometimes, you see a future with someone. Like, a real future. Because you have the feeling that you actually know them.

So, it killed me when she floored me.

But the breakup, no matter how long it might've been coming, it pushed me. Why? Because of something she told me prior. "You're not in the right place in your life to be with me," she said. That echoes in my head to this day. So, the Doom transformation started as an "I'll show you" sort of thing. But, after a meteoric rise, it stopped being about her and became about me. Like, this is what I can accomplish when the reigns are off.

I took this lady to try on rings, dammit. But, you can't wallow in it. Learn from it. It hurts. Feel that pain. It's how you know you're human. Cry, scream, punch walls. But, you've got to know something.

It's not the end. Move on. That person doesn't and shouldn't define you anymore. You will be surprised with what you're capable of if you take the lessons from that and act on them consciously. I was broke, I had no home. I had nothing when she dropped me. Now I'm head engineer at a company that's curing cancer and made $165K in one fucking day.

Do I think of walking up to this girl and waving my wealth in her face? Yes. But, I don't need to do that. If our paths cross, I won't do that. I legitimately hope that she's happy.

Speed: I think we've got a good stopping point for today. I mean, this is going to be a long-running thing, so we might as well split it up into parts.

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