Lately...

Excuse the rant-y nature of this one.

I figured I'd take a break from SOTBMusic, SOTBNerdy, and all that stuff to give an update on me. That's a bit self-centered, I'll admit. But, I've been getting people asking if I'm okay based on some of my tweets, IG posts, etc. To be honest, in a word? Meh. My children are, for the most part, healthy and things are going great with their mom. I'm healthy and I tend to have more good days than bad ones with my bipolar disorder. But, I'm frustrated because I'm not where I want/need to be.

This is me.

I'll be 29 in a little over two weeks. In the past twenty-nine years, I've accomplished a lot. I've lost most of my head hair doing so (damn genetics) and I still have those Stevens-Johnson scars. But I've done a lot--and gained a pretty sick beard in the process (I always wanted one of those).

But, there's still a part of me screaming "I need more." I don't know if that's because I'm bipolar and I sometimes find myself searching for a new "high," or if it's because I feel stuck in some ways. However, there's part of me that keeps telling me that I need more. Sure, I've accomplished over 900K views on SpeedontheBeat.com pretty much by myself, with Drizzle and some other folks dropping gems on occasion. But, there's still so much I want to do with the site and with myself.

Part of that starts with me going back to grad school. I figure that if I want that marketing job or that communications job that pays enough where I can focus on growing my other endeavors, I need more to my name. I've done the work, and I've got the talent...I just need the piece of paper that tells people that I've got the skills. To be honest, it kind of sucks that you have to go through so much these days just to get people to say "oh, Speed knows what the hell he's talking about" even though I've been at this marketing thing for the latter part of the past decade between SOTB, DAR (musically and the site itself), EOTR, and other folks. I've seen people flourish because of the work that I've helped them put in...and that makes me feel grateful for people taking a chance on me.

But, again, people want that degree. And so do I. That's why I'm going back to grad school. But, there's something else that I want/need to accomplish. I want to bring SpeedontheBeat.com to a point where people know that when they see #SOTBMusic or Profound Assholes or whatever, they're getting quality writing, quality opinions, and quality art. It's there, but there's still some thing that I, to be honest, haven't fully figured out. Life is a journey and it's one that's a marathon, as cliched as that sounds.

But, am I fine?

Meh.

I could be better, but I could be a lot worse. I've gotten a lot of the issues I've had over the years under control, even though there are still some things that I want to be better at. There're also some things that I still want to do. But, I could be a lot worse. So, here's to continued success and to me (and those like me) finding/keeping their happiness and all that good stuff.

1 comment:

  1. This was a great read. Very raw and full of substance.

    ReplyDelete