PA Vol. 38: Stop Being Fake Offended Over Everything and More

We're back.

For many volumes, Drizzle Sez and I (with the occasional Gingawd and/or True God appearance) have given you the real so raw, some of you may've gotten pregnant from it. So, for "season" two of PA, we're hitting harder and better than before. PA, short of Profound Assholes, is a series on where (usually) Drizzle Sez and I talk some hot-button issues and give our two cents. Reader discretion is advised, as these raw discussions can veer into the NSFW category...but you already knew that. If we get you to think about things, even if we pissed you off, we did our jobs. 

Today, we're talking getting offended, black lives, and a slew of shit. And, it's all because of "that BuzzFeed video."

Speed: So...BuzzFeed dropped "27 Questions Black People Have For Black People." Shit was, for me, kind of dumb and tried too hard to be "funny" and/or thought-provoking.

Drizzle: Well, I don't really think it was meant to be "funny." I took it at face value. These are questions some Blacks ask other Blacks. I didn't find it offensive.

Speed: I kind of have mixed feelings. I didn't really find it "offensive" as much as I did "kind of stupid." But, look at the Twitters!

Drizzle: Oh, calm down! The rage here is fabricated. If Deray made this, half of Black Twitter would probably repost it and call it "deep conversation."

Speed: Like I said, I just saw it more as corny more than anything. If Deray or Netta or Shaun King or TheRoot or someone posted this, I'm sure that some of the people bitching about it would be like...well, probably something like this.

Drizzle: You and these damn Broad City references--

Speed: Then, they'd proceed to pull out their Ankhs and start spouting off faux-enlightened "Hotep" gobbledygook. You'll be up there like Larenz Tate from Love Jones and shit.

But, it's BuzzFeed. So, for some of these people, any legit intent goes right out the fucking window because, you know. It's BuzzFeed. It's memes and GIF images and "Envision 20 Disney Princesses as Gender-Fluid Sex Workers in Bolivia because why-the-fuck-not?" 

Drizzle: Far as I'm concerned, all I saw was Negi asking questions. Some of them seemed more aimed at MSM than, you know, other Black people. Few of them shits, I've heard more from upper-middle class White boys than other Black people.

Speed: Again, good point. But, here's where it gets interesting. The people in the video, they're being torn apart by Black Twitter for, what else, not being "Black enough."

This, of course, brings that whole nasty-ass circle back into play. Like, if you're too "Black," they call you a "thug," a "coon," a "nigger," and so on. They'll say you're too broken to be redeemable and just making the culture look bad. If you're too "White," they'll say you're in the back, sucking Massa off and swallowing racist jizz.

Drizzle: Hypocrisy. 

Speed: You goddamn right it's hypocrisy. But, call "Black Twitter" out on it and you get comments of how you're not "enlightened." It's fucking silly.

Drizzle: Enlighten these nuts. 

Speed: Tell that to the "Hoteps" and 'em, not me.

Drizzle: But, nah. No one--and I mean no fucking one--on a keyboard with the purposes of not making funds from it is gonna tell me how "Black" I am. You know who did? Take a big guess.

Give up? 

Well, the motherfucker who fired me for being "a darky making too much" told me how Black I am. Now, another question. Wanna know who told me how "down with the cause" I am? The cop who broke my foot with his baton when I "fit the description." Last question. Wanna know how much I support my people? 

Ask anyone who's come to my house late at night. Ask anyone who's called me crying. Ask anyone who's called me needing a taxi or a bailout or just a job. I didn't do all that with my fingers. And I didn't get offended by that video.

Speed: Bam. You gotta get from behind the computer and the Twitter and shit and see REAL FUCKING LIFE! Oh, God. I just saw some "magical negro" thinkpieces pop up on the Doctor Strange teaser trailers already.

Drizzle: Ugh, seriously? Anyway, I don't thrust my struggle in anyone's face. Speed, do you know why? I'll tell you. It's because that struggle is the only thing that the entire human race can bond over. We all have struggle. It's all different. It's never the same. And these struggles help shape us. I don't wanna say too much on that side of things because that delves into my latest "Hero Or..." piece. But, people shouldn't be upset at the video. 

Actually, nah. Fuck that. Be upset. But, my struggle is different from yours and just because you're offended, it doesn't mean I am. Make like Android. Be together, not the same.

And about the "magical negro" thinkpieces? We is magic. Stop lettin' white people know. Boom. Done.

Speed: We just solved one "racist" trope. Can we solve all the others while we're at it? I don't know. I get being all pissed and offended. But, it seems these days people are getting overly butthurt for all the wrong reasons. And through this, they're trying to blanket that feeling upon an entire people.

Newsflash, fuckboys. What you're doing is just as bad as White people saying "all Blacks are thugs." You're stereotyping and putting your feels about one person--or, even, one situation--upon an entire people. Nah. Fuck that.

Drizzle: That's one of the questions in the fucking video. Whenever someone demands I adhere to some "Code of Blackness," I can't help but envision ol' fuckboy from The Boondocks.

Speed: "Where are your Capri pants?"

Drizzle: "Where are your poems?"

Speed: Classic episode.

Drizzle: Indeed. But, I ain't finna be offended just because I'm "supposed to be."

Speed: Yep. Lemme be offended when I wanna be offended. If I don't see anything wrong with something, it doesn't mean it's wrong or right for you. It just means something simple. I'm focusing my anger on something else that deserves my anger in my eyes.

Drizzle: But, there's more. People are so busy being "offended," they're missing the real outrage from the video. The real outrage is simple. It's true. Why do we say "pretty for a dark-skinned girl?" What the Hell is "good hair?" Why ain't I "black enough?"

Speed: So, it's almost on that Boondocks level of "offended." It's calling folks out. And, because they're embarrassed over it..they're getting fake angry to hide it.

Drizzle: Eh...I wouldn't go that far. But, shit! Address the issues! The real ones! Calling for BuzzFeed employees to resign ain't gonna fix the problem!

Speed: Resign, though? The fuck that gonna do?

Drizzle: Give 'em a warm and fuzzy?

Speed: So, in other words, abso-fucking-lutely nothing. Except, you know, a circlejerk of egos. 

Drizzle: No. It'll give keyboard bangers a reason to think they matter.

Speed: #KeyboardBangersMatter and shit?

Drizzle: Indeed. Hell, if the White conspiracy--not the institution, mind you--really exists, they'd fire those motherfuckers and not wait for them to resign. Why? So the Twitter fingers of Today can feel they're making a difference without going to the polls and voting and whatnot.

Speed: But...the conspiracy isn't there. The institution is there and it's a horrible-ass social construct. But, not everything that's out there is designed to destroy and belittle Black people. Don't get me wrong. A lot of it is in a lot of ways. But, not all things. Get the fuck outta here with that fake-deep ass, Shea Butter Twitter-ass, "I'm 'enlightened,' but I'm still out here calling women 'cunt bags' and bitches and calling non-Blacks by derogatory names" logic. Get all the way the fuck outta here.

The world is not set up, at all times, to destroy "Blackness." Besides, there's usually some fundamentalist terrorist group out there making Islam look like the "Devil's Religion" or Donald Trump, who has most of America rallying against him to, you know, distract most of the world from "destroying 'Blackness.'" 

Now, does that mean that there aren't attacks on "Blackness?" Fuck no. It just means that every time someone says "Black people," it isn't always going to be followed by the words "are gonna get destroyed today systematically by social media becoming real life because they're horrible people." Fucking hell, man. They don't want me to start going off and in again.

Actually, nah. I'm gonna let you finish up the rest of this "Hero Or..." post. Let me close this PA out. So, Black people. I love you. I love you all. But, our struggles and offenses aren't always going to be completely similar. As people, each person is going to, by default, have a different struggle. Instead of sectioning each other off by being "offended" by every little thing, let us unify against the real evils.

Getting offended over every little fucking thing isn't conducive to change. In fact, it's detrimental. Shit, the Twitter fingers and whatnot, it's probably going to lead to more division than anything. 

Leave the computer screen sometimes. Go do something in real life, even if it's small, to enact positive chance. And stop getting overly offended all the time over all the small stuff. There's a lot of real-life real shit for you to dedicate that anger and that rage and that energy to. And, for the last time, not everything that's about Black people is meant to destroy us. Stop all the fake raging. Please. Be like Huey Freeman...

...and be less like Dewey Jenkins. Fuck Dewey Jenkins.

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