PA Volume 20: The Catch-Up

NSFW Warning/Disclaimer: 
PA (short for "Profound Assholes") is a series on where I have a no-punches-pulled conversation with a friend about a hot-button issue (yay cliches!). That friend is usually none other than Drizzle Sez formerly of, who co-created the PA format (go check out his site. It's still live and still kicks much ass to this day). Did you miss us? It's okay to admit you did. Today, we talk T.I., Teriq Royal, the BET Hip-Hop Awards, and Azealia Banks' Broke With Expensive Taste album.

Speed: So, T.I., right?

Drizzle: What'd he do?

Speed: He said some pretty off-the-cuff things about women not being President (shows Drizzle a link from about T.I.'s comments). He said that women make "rash decisions emotionally" that are very "permanent, cemented decisions."

Drizzle: Well, he has to deal with Tiny's bum-ass.

Speed: Surprised you didn't bring up the eye color palette swap. But, T.I. apologized for it and has come out in support for Trump--

Drizzle: Wait, he's Pro-Trump?

Speed: Yeah. 

(Drizzle Googles whether or not T.I. is actually Pro-Trump)

Drizzle: So, I had to fact-check. He's kind of anti-Trump. But, apparently, he's very sexist.

Speed: T.I. said that Trump is "interesting." And, yeah, apparently quite sexist, indeed.

Drizzle: Well, Trump is interesting. I'm interested in hitting him with a 2x4--

Speed: T.I. or Trump?

Drizzle: Trump. T.I. hasn't been a nigga for a while. I remember "Black T.I." with a skully that didn't fit. Makin' hood anthems and teaching the kids--specifically his kids--game.

Not "Wannabe Black T.I." who signed Satan and makes dumb videos with blue-eyed-soul artists.

Speed: Now? He's kind of more of a modern day Cliff Huxtable. Have you seen his new shows? And there's nothing wrong with Blue Eyed Soul. Unless we're talking that one song by that one guy who we can't mention without having Marvin Gaye's estate lawyers on our asses (laughs). You know, the "Good Girl" song, as my oldest son called it.


Drizzle: Mayne, fuck that guy. T.I. used to be a king. Now he's a guy who'll probably be on trial for giving women 'ludes in twenty years.

Speed: God, I hope not. 

Drizzle: But, you know I'm probably right.

Speed: So, did you hear about that rapper who got shot and Facebooked a few moments afterwards?

God let me walk away from an AK47 dumpin rounds at me and my bros 󾭚󾓵󾭚󾓵󾭚󾓵 I just want yall to know GOD IS REAL AND GOD LOVES YOU ! ✊✨󾬐we living in some dark days , we wasn't even his targets , he was just trigger happy.(I was in shock when I filmed this , 3 bullet fragments on my skull 󾆳 could have pierced my brain... I'm just blessed to see another day and RAP ABOUT IT 󾰗󾠀 ) #BushGang #GoneDieSomeKings
Posted by Teriq Royal on Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Drizzle: Wait, what? I...uh...(facepalms himself). So, you remember that Rick and Morty scene about a "fresh start?" I'm Rick. Yep. It's time for a fresh start.

Speed: Yep--

Drizzle: Nope...nope...humanity is a failure. The white man's rule has killed Earth--

Speed: Let's make a fresh start, then.

Drizzle: "I hadda do it, Morty."

Speed: That you did.

Drizzle: It was a thing.

Speed: So, the BET Awards were on last night.

Drizzle: That's still a thing? 

Speed: Yeah. The cypher has kept it alive sorta. That and things like Scarface being arrested after receiving his lifetime achievement award. Oh, and stuff. So, I heard the Joyner Lucas bars. And he sounds like a Black Eminem, except not as talented.

Drizzle: Tweed.

Speed: I mean, that's pretty much the best way to describe him. He dissed everybody on some Eminem shit and spat fast like Eminem tends to do these days. So...he'll probably never get a legit deal now. 

At least Charles Hamilton has kind of rebounded. Guess the meds are working--and I can attest to bipolar medicine cocktails (Speed and Drizzle laugh). But the Joyner kid had some decent lines. But, he sounded way too much like just graduated from The School of Internet Rappers from the Mid-2000s. Jacking Em's style: check. Wearing skinny clothes with some ironic statement in some way: check. Wonky ass design in his hair: check.

But, then, T.I. came on. And I kind of just zoned out. I'd take Blackinem over T.I. acting like he's 23 again when he's got ten kids and whatnot.

Drizzle: Ugh. Hip-hop started so well this week.

Speed: I'm playing Eminem's remix of "The Hills" right now like "last night did not happen. Last night did not happen. Last night did not happen." So, with this happening, is T.I. worse than Iggy? Because without T.I., Iggy'd probably still be another random internet rapper who did a YouTube video with a Top Cat character on her phat monkey of a vagina--along with other stickers--while she rapped over the "Gucci Two Times" beat with some sort of "abstract" explanation behind it. Thankfully, you can't really plastic surgery a "phat monkey."

Drizzle: Yes. T.I. is worse. Because T.I. sold out. I get that he has a family and needs to tone it down. But, you ain't gotta Uncle Tom your way to the big house. And yeah, you can plastic surgery that--

Speed: Shaddup and lemme think her vagina is real.

Drizzle: (Laughs) No. White pussy is the devil.

Speed: Some, not all. It's all pink on the inside. But, back to Clifford the Big Red Clusterfuck--

Drizzle: White women are ok. But, their sex? It's Satan. It's addicting and corrupting. It eats your soul. It's the One Ring--

Speed:, I'm gonna walk away from that one before I say something completely off-the-wall. But, I wouldn't say "addicting." Any sex can be addicting if it's good and you're that weak to your carnal desires, whether it be white, black, blue, or purple. Well, maybe not blue or purple, because fuck a blue waffle--but you get my point.

Drizzle: Digression! Back to T.I.

He's got balls. I mean, not everyone can try to go pop off and diss the biggest buyers of pop music: white women. And their poisonous vagina (Speed shakes his head). With regards to Iggy? Well, he was pimping her. I ain't mad at that.

Speed: But?

Drizzle: None. T.I. has his own sins. One is Satan Incarnate--I mean Iggy Azalea. The other is that he's slowly, but surely, going insane.

Speed: Isn't that what happens with most rappers when they hit a certain age and realize that they don't have many other real-world skills other than rhyming words together?

Drizzle: He thought Iggy was a good idea. Naw, he lost it. And, you know...ah, fuck it. It's time to get Fo' Real!

I know I'm using the meme wrong. But Jules is always right, motherfucker. It's super real time. T.I. is fucking dumb as shit for this. Like, extra dumb. Not because he alienated a fanbase. Not because he pissed off the Hilary Clinton crowd to the point that it made national news. Those motherfuckers don't buy his music anyway! And his young woman, in other words, his "girl" fanbase? They're usually to fucking stupid themselves to get mad at him. No. He's a dumb shit because he showed how much of a dumb shit he is.

Speed: This is true. You never show your ace in the asshole--especially when you don't have anything else to fall back on. Kind of like Azealia Banks at time. Which reminds me...have you listened to the album yet?

Drizzle: After much avoiding it, I've given it a listen. And I'll tell you what I think. So, I remember being in Asia--Japan and South Korea specifically--not too long ago. And South Korea reminds me of SoCal and D.C. It's all about who you know and what you got there. So, unless you've got a BMW with gold trim? Forget it. And in Japan, you're fucking if you're foreign. But, I digress. I remember going into clubs in these places and hearing a lot of J and K-Pop mixed with DMX. It was...kinda glorious, I can't lie.

Speed: Well, that's to be expected. It's DMX.

Drizzle: Then, I remember when I was 17 and DJing in Mayaguez, Puerto Rico because teenage rebellion, fuck you. Lil' Jon was fading, but--once again, fuck you--I was spinning "Get Crunk" and mixing it with "Jenny from the Block" and reggaeton. Which, once you added in some DMX, was glorious. And then I remembered my most-recent tour of South America. That's where I heard the most awesome club mix of Spanish-speaking music. Nightly. And, oh shit! They played DMX (once). The drinks were free. The hot tubs were booming. The food was elaborately crafted behind a shack. And the girls? They were brown with curly hair, curves, and accents. It was heaven. Wait, I hear SPONSORSHIP!

If you go, start your trip with Barcelo Resorts. It'll be awesome.

But, down south? Wayyyyy down south. The drums and snare they got in rapid succession are a special sound and bring a special dance. But, I'ma end my trip down memory lane in Ibiza. The Ibi-ZA. Not, I-bi-THA, you pretentious assholes. And, there? I got an unholy dose of EDM. And hip-hop. Pretty much, it was like the Project X soundtrack while barely sober 24/7.

I say all this because when I listened to Broke With Expensive Taste, I was reminded of those regions and what they represented to me. So, imagine everything that I just told you before. But without DMX. Hell, with barely any rap at all. Like, I listened to it pretty damn recently and I can't remember one line.

Speed: Isn't that a bad thing?

Drizzle: Hear me out. When she does rap, I feel she's mixing Missy, the entire Dirty South, and EDM scenes. Though, I'm convinced she's never been to Japan. Honestly? The album reminds me of the middle of Sonic Adventure, the first one, not the Super Saiyan second one. Start with the music from the Crazy Carnival all the way to Sonic's fight with Eggman, still midgame. The music was shamelessly J-Pop and dance remixes. Banks? She puts a lot of emphasis on beats and "dancability," which makes her a standalone act. But...she's still one I'd never put on a feature. Her sixteen on any song would have more lyrics than this whole album.

See, this is the issue with independent releases. No one is there to say "hey...uh, maybe you should rap a bit more." I'm serious. There's usually no one there to tell you "an opinion is bad, mmkay."

Speed: So, indie rappers tend to suffer because they're and don't have anyone to reign them back in when they go off the deep end with so-called creative license? Correct me if I'm wrong.

Drizzle: You're wrong. See, indie artists, rappers especially, they tend to be closed-minded. "My art is perfect. Fuck you." I get the sentiment. But, this game is about using your art to make some MOTHERFUCKING MONEY! 

Speed: Ah. Ok. Yeah, I'm pretty well-versed in dealing with that aspect of indie artists. Many are close-minded because they want to focus on the artistic aspect and don't want to alter their vision...even if said alteration would create a better product. I mean, look at Charles Hamilton. Jay Electronica. Hell, the only artists who started out indie, didn't really change their visions, and succeeded wide-rang because of that I can think of are probably K.R.I.T. and Kendrick. I mean, hell! Indie rappers, they usually don't want to hear outside thoughts on their work, even if these truths will help them. That's one of the reasons why I did the "Dear Internet Rappers" series back in the day.

Drizzle: This brings me to the following statement. I understand Azealia Banks' vocal aversion to Iggy. The same thing points to her European success. Banks' music is made to pick up the "I just wanna dance" crew. And it works very well. I feel that. Iggy Azalea came up and, with no effort or real visible talent, hooks all the people and pulls the target audience away from Azealia with bullshit that was sign and go anyway.

Speed: So...jealousy?

Drizzle: Necessity. Here you put your heart and soul into art and give it to someone you know'll like it...only for that someone to be blinded by bullshit. It has "God versus the False Shepard" written all over it. Azealia fought a losing battle with the Devil. I get why it made her mad. Hell, it makes me mad.

Speed: I mean, it kind of should. I'd be worried if it didn't.

Drizzle: But, I'm not talking about all that. We spoke on that already. I'm talking an album.

Speed: So, what's your verdict on the album?

Drizzle: The entirety of the album blended together--even though it, at times, had its head shoved up its own ass. But in the name of art? It could be a good or bad thing. But, all in all, I expected some super-low-quality, overly underground, "Look at me, I have FruityLoops" bullshit piece of an album. But, I got something that I enjoyed and--gasp--bought!

Speed: See, it wasn't that bad. But, will it have staying power in your iPhone? That's the clincher. For me, it didn't really.

Drizzle: Azealia Banks ain't winning no freestyle battles anytime soon and she should be compared to FloRida instead of Nicki Minaj. But, it made me fist bump and should be played next time I party with, ya know, like Persians and super "I just wanna dance" folks.

Speed:'re right. It's not really hip-hop at all. Many people judged it on the merit that she raps somewhat in it. But, it's more of a mesh of styles and whatnot. Now, like you said, it's more like a FloRida or LMFAO-type of vibe with a bit more European flavor dashed in--the irony of that statement didn't escape me--but it's a decent album. That is, once you get beyond the "oh, it's not really rappity-rap" preconceptions.

Drizzle: Which makes me mad. It's really an EDM album. But, she's called a rapper because of her pretty brown skin. Lenny Kravitz is usually found in the R&B section. Fuck. This. Bullshit. That's why I bought it. That's why I bought Mr. Probz--

Speed: So it wasn't just because "Waves" was one of the best songs in the past two years or so?

Drizzle: It was in addition to that. Black artists need a chance, outside of just rap and R&B. Azealia took a shot and didn't fuck it up. I'll support. White people hate hip-hop, but buy Beastie Boys, Em, and Iggy albums like they're gold--

Speed: Hey. Let's not slander the Beasties. They're cool--

Drizzle: And Eminem is a rap gawd. But, it's time I did the same thing they did. Social Justice Warriorisms aside, Broke With Expensive Taste is good. Go cop that if you haven't already.

Speed: And, with that? We bring another edition of PA to a close. Remember: if we didn't piss you off to the point you want to re-evaluate some aspect of your life, we're not doing our jobs.

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