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Speed ontheBeat Speed ontheBeat Author
Title: PA Volume 18: On Vulgarity
Author: Speed ontheBeat
Rating 5 of 5 Des:
NSFW Warning/Disclaimer:  PA (short for "Profound Assholes") is a series on SpeedontheBeat.com where I have a no-punches-pulled...
NSFW Warning/Disclaimer: 
PA (short for "Profound Assholes") is a series on SpeedontheBeat.com where I have a no-punches-pulled conversation with a friend about a hot-button issue (yay cliches!). That friend is usually none other than Drizzle Sez formerly of DrizzleSez.wordpress.com, who co-created the PA format (go check out his site. It's still live and still kicks much ass to this day). Today, we talk profanity. So...yeah. This one's going to be pretty NSFW.

Drizzle: So, let's just get into it. We shall talk about my favorite thing...or at least what I do more than anything else.

Speed: What, fuck?

Drizzle: Vulgarity. Now, Steve Smith, Sr., after the Ravens game, in the last season of his career...he's playing on an 0-3 Ravens team. It hurts me. But, his comments after the game--and his ego-fapping performance--seriously, did you see it?!--struck me. Do you know what he said? 

"Losing pisses me off." 


While I screamed "me fuckin' too!," the Mommy Watchdogs said "OMG, he said 'pissed off.'"

Speed: Well, the hell do these people expect? "Oh, we played a good game and I am sad because we lost." No, the man is pissed off and should be allowed to say that he's pissed off and express how pissed off he is. It's like when some newspapers censor "sucks" with "[stinks]." I get it, but...come the hell on!

Drizzle: Our culture has a hard-on for pointing out when people break the "rules." So, we get "OMG, he said 'pissed off.'" How much do we swear?

Speed: A whole fucking lot.

Drizzle: Yeah. Imagine if someone got their fucking tampon line tangled every time I said "fuck." Didn't South Park make fun of this?

Speed: Yes. Yes, they did.

Drizzle: In the movie.

Speed: Hell, yeah.

Drizzle: So, why do people still try to play this censor-shit, "Uncle Fucker?"


Speed: I don't fuckin' know.

Drizzle: Yeah, I like to swear my ass off. But, do you know why? 

Speed: Why?

Drizzle: Because I'm real. I'm the realest thing smoking. And, if you smoking something realer, you're smoking crack. People who swear don't think about the "best way" to put something. They say what's on their mind. They're out there Donald Trumping.

Speed:  Yes. But, fuck Trump.

Drizzle: Y'know, without the whole racism rich guy-ness. But, people who swear, they ain't got time to think about manner. They're too busy getting to the point. Example.


She's the truth. You know she is because she ain't bother to think of a polite way to speak her mind, meme or otherwise.

Speed: Damn fuckin' right.

Drizzle: Every time someone says "I'm thinking of the best way to say this," I immediately think that they're about to lie to me.

Speed: Either that, or they scurred.

Drizzle: Oh. So, they have a reason to fuckin' lie?

Speed: No. As assuming only makes an ass out of you and me and all that dumb shit. But, there is a way to be upfront without being vulgar. It's called "stop pussyfooting around the with the truth, ya bish" on some Kendrick Lamar shit.

Drizzle: Tweed.

Speed: I mean, I love to curse. It's not because I'm ignorant. It's because, sometimes, "fuck you" works a ton better than "I don't like you right now or what you're currently representative of."

(Drizzle laughs)

But, yes. Sometimes, you and I can get our point across without saying "fuck you." But...saying it is sometimes so much more fun.

Drizzle: And faster. In a streamlined world, "fuck you" should be the norm.

Speed: Thank you, social media. Y'all done finally did something right.

Drizzle: No.

(Speed sighs)

They never did it right. The 1980s streamlined stuff.

Speed: Well, the '80s had coke by the boatload.


Drizzle: And we have social media. Because social media is cocaine--think about it.

Speed: Sometimes I wish we just had the actual coke--

Drizzle: Then we could claim chemical abuse.

Speed: Now? Now, we can only claim social retardation brought on by no one actually talking to one another outside of 140 character limits. And that's offensive to those who are actually socially challenged. At least they have, y'know, chemical imbalances or chromosomal issues or what have you.

Drizzle: Whatever may arise. The drug rise and prescription drug over-diagnoses led to rampant chemical imbalances in the children today. Social and mental retardation was once a one in a million thing. Now? It's 1 in 7. So...social media...maybe, just maybe, having it as the new drug of choice is good. Just means all our eyes will fall out--and we get to say "fuck."

Speed: You put it like that--blindness versus possible autism and chemical imbalances out the wazoo? Then, yeah. Social media as the new drug of choice may be halfway good--

Drizzle: But abuse is fucking abuse.

Speed: True. But, masturbation is less harmful than smoking PCP.

Drizzle: But overdoing it still gets you in a bad place.

Speed: Also true. So, some vices are best in moderation.

Drizzle: Yeah.

Speed: Except saying "fuck you" versus the long-winded bullshit I said earlier.

Drizzle: Keep it short. Keep it real.

Speed: Yep.

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