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Speed ontheBeat Speed ontheBeat Author
Title: PA Volume 17: Trust Me(?)
Author: Speed ontheBeat
Rating 5 of 5 Des:
NSFW Warning/Disclaimer:  PA (short for "Profound Assholes") is a series on SpeedontheBeat.com where I have a no-punches-pulled...
NSFW Warning/Disclaimer: 
PA (short for "Profound Assholes") is a series on SpeedontheBeat.com where I have a no-punches-pulled conversation with a friend about a hot-button issue (yay cliches!). That friend is usually none other than Drizzle Sez formerly of DrizzleSez.wordpress.com, who co-created the PA format (go check out his site. It's still live and still kicks much ass to this day). Today, we talk trust issues.




Speed: So...(pauses) I forgot that there was a TMNT anime, Mutant Turtles: Superman Legend
It's pretty weird, since the TMNT turn into a Gundam-slash-Saint-Seiya crossover with their power gems, kind of.

Drizzle: Yep, I have it. So, PA topic for today. Humans. Humans, well, are stupid.

Speed: Really? I didn't know (Drizzle laughs).

Drizzle: No, but I'm for really, though.

Speed: Again, no shit. But, f'real, why are humans backwards today?

Drizzle: Trust, friend. Because of trust. 



We trust other humans with the most important shit, but they won't trust each other with pettiness.

Speed: True. Sounds...slightly personal. What's up?

Drizzle: Nothing personal. Just...one of our friends, I remember they said something once. He said, "if this dude told you not to enter this building or you'd die, would you believe him?"

Speed: I think I remember this conversations. But, yes, we're stupid because of trust issues.

Drizzle: But, we won't believe stupid shit.

Speed: Probably because we doubt the most-obvious of things.

Drizzle: And?

(Speed pauses, and utters "uh.")

Drizzle: It's like we want the petty shit to be fake. We wanna lie to each other.

Speed: I'd rather people be real with me 100% of the time. But, people aren't ready for that. Because, as we've established, people are stupid.

Drizzle: I mean, we want people to lie to us.

Speed: Screw that (laughs).

Drizzle: Really? It's so much easier to believe people are B.S.

Speed: Oh, definitely. But, I'd prefer the truth, even if it's on some "hurt my soul" ish.

Drizzle: But...it's easier to think people are lying, like a horror threshold. Someone tells you that a guy sexually assaulted a child, you want them to be lying.

Speed: True. But, we both know how insane the world is and how putrid some people are. So, at this point? I don't know. Nothing surprises me. And that's sad in its own right.

Drizzle: True. But, we do that with "Sarah told Rachael."

Speed: "Sarah told Rachael?"

Drizzle: Yeah.

Speed: So, what, like, gossiping?

Drizzle: Just any B.S.

Speed: Well, yeah. It's easier to tell the truth about B.S, just like it is to lie about it.

Drizzle: But, people they want that shit to have never happened. They wanna be lied to. It's easier to accept that "he said, she said" bullshit versus accepting that, backtracking, the child assault happened.

Speed: Trust is a tricky ass thing.

Drizzle: No it ain't--

Speed: Tricky in the sense of "oh, it's so easy, it's hard."

Drizzle: It's true or false, to be f'real. But, we always wanna believe the hardcore.

Speed: Yeah, it appeals to our love of the macabre. Why else would To Catch a Predator last for as long as it did? The macabre and the general effed-up-ness of our society made people wanna believe and obsess over that versus, ya know, "hey I've got a cat."

Drizzle: Like, "that nigga gonna kill you." That translates to "oh, shit. I better stay away from him." That is in contrast to "I've been to Jamaica," which apparently translates to "man, that nigga's full of shit." Why? Because we're backwards! I think it's because we all have the capacity to be dicks and we expect the worst from people. So...the inconvenient truth makes us call bullshit. But...the threats to big things? Sidenote, I SUMMON YOU!

Speed: You remember that I'm still doing the whole family thing awesomeness, right?

Drizzle: Oh, I know. It's the gesture that counts. But, see?! Because I'm you're friendliness and whatsuch, that's all I've gotta say and you feel that. You believe that. You'd come if you could. However, let a goon we know say that and you'd be like "meh whatever."

Speed: Yeah. It depends on the goon, but yes. Friendshipiness and all that crap, it covers a lot (Drizzle laughs).

Drizzle: But, let them same goons say "we comin' fo' that ass, Santa," and you'd be watching your back.

Speed: Again, it really depends on the goons. If I know they're consistently on some bullshit, then naw. But, if I know they're about that life, then you bet your ass I'll be watching my back.

Drizzle: Tweed. Your life is less important than a SUMMON.

Speed: No. I didn't say that. I said that said SUMMON and its realness, it depends on the person and my interactions with them. If it's you or someone I've trusted with my life, then yeah, I'm up for it. If I know that they're, well, out of their mind? Eff that noise.

Drizzle: So, here's another example. I won $2,000 at Horseshoe Casino on Friday. 

Speed: Oh, ok. Nice, by the way.

Drizzle: See?! You believe me. I walked in with $20, by the way. I walked out with this.


Blackjack, bud. But, Jimbo Slice. He wasn't believin' me when I said the table was dead and got up. 

Speed: And he lost, I assume?

Drizzle: So, when I got up, nothing's hitting.

Speed: So, how far did it set him back?

Drizzle: None, for real.

Speed: But, the fact is this: he didn't listen.

Drizzle: Yerp. Now, I'm a quantum physicist electro-mechanical enginerd. You'd think that if I said anything about numbers, motherfuckers'd be all like...



But, noooooo. I must be full of shit. I must be Tom Brady on a Sunday. I must be Bill Belicheat. I must be so full of shit because doing R&D for a living means that I don't know shit about probability and numbers!

Speed: (sarcastically) Well, of course, Drizzle. We're both idiots in our fields. It's like saying that I don't know anything about copy editing, the English language, writing, research, or--well, you get what I'm saying--even though I do it for a living and make a halfway-decent living doing it.

Drizzle: But, lemme run in and say "Slice, they stealin' the Lincoln!" And this motherfucker'd jump off the balcony and run to his whip--

Speed: Which'd be awesome with some Curtis Mayfield in the background--

Drizzle: Fuck that! Play "Mississippi Queen!"


Kick ass and eat bubblegum...and I'm all out of bubblegum.

Speed: Also true.

Drizzle: But why are humans so fucking backwards with trust?! It's counter-intuitive. I'll trust you with my life, but not my current address? The fuck?! Would you trust the same person you know can't hold a glass of water with your life?

Speed: Me, personally? Eh...fuck naw, for the most part. I'd give them a chance to earn my trust. But, if they can't hold a glass of water, as you put it, fuck that.

Drizzle: But you do.

Speed: Yes. Why? Because, at times, there's no choice but to do so, sadly enough.

Drizzle: Who made the car you drive? Who works the train you ride? That fucker could kill you. Nah, negro.

Speed: Well, let's flip it. We, personally, could kill each other. But, at times, it's necessary that we trust each other to not do such a thing, since to not do so would probably put a strain on the friendlationship.

Drizzle: So, these people aren't good enough for you to believe they have a cat. But, you put your life on believing they won't slay you? Say it like that and it sounds stupid.

Speed: Well, I'll believe that someone has a cat. Why would someone lie about something that minor? I mean, people tend--the keyword, of course, is tend--to lie more about bigger things or about things to better themselves. Them saying "oh, hey, Drizzle. I've got a cat," it isn't that big of a thing.

But, yes. We humans, we're stupid. But, what do you suggest? Because there's always going to be that issue of trust and the like. I don't have one.

Drizzle: Me neither. We suck. It's easier to believe humanity is human enough to not end you because it's convenient. Until...you realize that it isn't and terrorists blow up trains and disgruntled women put HIV blood in ketchup. 

Speed: And then what? Do we run shitless?

Drizzle: No. We rationalize it. It keeps us sane. But, we do what Republicans (Ed. Note: and some Democrats--hell, many politicians) do whenever a white person lights up a church. We think it's an isolated incident and that that person is just crazy.

Speed: Instead of actually saying "hey, humanity is pretty fudged up and full of pretty fudged-up individuals."

Drizzle: Now, I'm not trying to scare people. But, shit, people are scary. I guess that's the reason.

Speed: For the trust issues? That people are scared because people are scary? Seems legit.

Drizzle: Only when people tell you something that makes you feel threatened, are you actually inclined to believe them.

Speed: I thought we established that, with the whole "humanity loves the macabre" thing. But still...sadly, there's no way around it, it'd seem--especially because there seems to be a need to do such things. A necessary evil, like death itself.

Drizzle: It only becomes stupid when you realize that you've put your life--blindly--in another person's hands for the opposite reason.

Speed: Such as, for instance, elected officials who don't know a damn thing about the jurisdictions they represent.

Drizzle: Or...getting in a bus and not knowing whether or not the driver is sauced, just because it's convenient.

Speed: So...we're screwed, then?

Drizzle: No. This method, it's worked for millennia. But will it work for another?

Speed: No.

Drizzle: Social media, and all our real needs, provided more "first-world problems." Because of this, a general pettiness greatly increased, which, of course, increases the conundrum. It's a system that works because people are too ready to lie about bullshit! But, the instinct that we need to preserve each other, it wins out sometimes. But, at the end of the day? Our society is fucking dumb as fuck.

Speed: So, how can we push for more humanity? How, in this age of inhumanity and ignorance, can more humanity be obtained? That becomes the question--pardon my melodramatics. How can we save us from ourselves?

Drizzle: That's the thing. We already do that. The kitty cat bullshit is a coping mechanism for the world we live in.

Speed: So, we save ourselves from ourselves through escapism?

Drizzle: We know that if we stress about the big shit, we'll lose our minds. We know that if we absorb all the small shit, we'll get shat on. So, that's how we pick and choose what we listen to...and what we call bullshit.

Speed: So, again. We go through a bit of escapism mixed with knowing our limitations--

Drizzle: Guessing. Guessing the limitations of others--

Speed: Guessing the limitations of others and ourselves. But, let's close this out with a PG-13 version of our former drinking prayer. Let it be known that you are my African-American friend. Now, shall any one African-American this African-American friend, I shall white cop them--and pray I get off.

Drizzle: I approve. No. Wait. It needs edits. Ahem. You are my African-American friend. Now, should anyone white cop this African-American friend, I will white cop that person.

Speed: Yes.

Drizzle: Indeed.

Speed: Let the church say "amen" and remember, people, if we didn't offend you and make you think, in some way, we failed at trying to help people. Trust us...

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