|Photo credit: Landmarkcollegepark.com (oh, the irony)|
Alcoholism. An affliction which affects a lot of us. Hell, I've had my own struggles with moderating my intake. And it's not as simple as "if you can't drink, hold your liquor." So, Drizzle and I decided to speak on alcoholism from the perspective of two people who've had some struggles with the bottle. Plus, it gives me a reason to post the video of one of my favorite Gil Scott-Heron songs. So, as always: if we don't piss you off and make you think? We're not hitting it right (more on "hitting it right" or nah in a future entry, by the way).
Speed: So, you kind of disappeared for a bit. Everything cool?
Drizzle: I was wasted.
Speed: Ah. The sense, it's been made.
Drizzle: Yeah...alcoholism is bad, m'kay.
Speed: At least you weren't alone. Some people'd argue, even though I don't really agree, that being around people when you're drowning yourself with booze is better. I don't know, though (laughs uneasily).
Drizzle: Don't let them lie to you. When you fight the Dragon, you've always got to do it alone.
Speed: So...alcoholism is best taken care of on your own, you'd say?
Drizzle: Not "best," as support is neccessary. But, at the end of the day, the choices you make are yours. Nobody forced me to get wasted when my beard gets itchy (Ed. Note: this is an inside way of communicating fuck-ups between Drizzle and myself). But, I go and I do it. I liken it to Skyrim. The world is rooting for you. And while other people can do damage to it, only the DRAGONBORN can slay a dragon for good.
Speed: So...essentially, with regards to alcoholism, you've got to want to say "hey, I don't want to drink anymore. I've got a problem" or "hey, I've got to scale this shit back 10 levels" or however you want to phrase it.
Drizzle: Yep. Or, you can do what I do and say "fuck it." I've got that rare breed of genes where I can stay sober for months! But, let some bad shit happen. I'll drown myself.
Speed: Hey, what do you know? We're cut from the same cloth in that regard in some ways. But, that shit doesn't help. As cliched as it sounds, the problem's going to still be there.
Drizzle: Meh. It helps right then.
Speed: But, that philosophy leads to even more clusterfucks. You're always looking for that numbing feeling, that "forget-it-all," and you're looking for it right then and there. It's kind of running away in some ways as well--
Drizzle: It's going to kill me. I have no illusions about that--
Speed: I'd rather it not, though.
Drizzle: And unless I seriously hurt someone else--which I take many precautions against; you know I have no problem tossing my keys--I ain't gonna stop.
Speed: But, and I'm not trying to be self-righteous Speed here, the fuck do you have going on that you need that immediate fix for?
Drizzle: Really, Speed? Ok...I've been through [a lot]. Take your pick. Niggas stumble, bro.
Speed: But as long as you don't stay down--
Drizzle: At the end of the day, you've got to be honest. Not staying down isn't good enough. You've gotta be proactive and stay up.
Speed: True. You've gotta say to yourself "Self, I've got a problem. I'm gonna make sure I don't keep repeating the same mistake."
Drizzle: But, alas, niggas stumble.
Speed: Because of the misconceptions of alcohol?
Drizzle: Eh...but go on.
Speed: Do you feel those misconceptions have an impact on how we deal with alcohol and alcoholism? For instance, the old belief that alcoholics are the types who drink alone with a ton of empty beer cans around them.
Drizzle: Ha! I don't drink shit. I also don't drink alone. What a lot of people don't understand is that sort of thing doesn't make you an alcoholic. Not knowing when to stop does. And I'm special. I know when to stop. I just...don't.
Speed: That's worse, isn't it?
Drizzle: Functional insanity? Or...complete personal apathy?
Speed: Both, to a degree?
Drizzle: Yeah...I definitely teeter totter.
Speed: We all do, in some way. But, yeah...
Drizzle: Yes, they're both bad. Yes, apathy is indicative of depression. But...have you met me? I'm always functionally insane!
Speed: Oh, I'm aware.
Drizzle: (laughs) I have "Archer Syndrome." I jump into bad situations and they work out. "So, ok. This next shot is gonna hit me. I can dance that off." I take the shot. "Damn, I feel like going hard...SUICIDE!" (Ed. Note: a suicide, in terms of drinking, involves taking several shots of different liquors in a row within a set amount of time--usually fifteen-to-thirty seconds)
But, at the same time, I don't lose my grip on reality. I toss the keys to my truck. I'm polite and smiley. And I do it once in a damn blue moon.
Speed: True. So...does that make it less of a problem?
Drizzle: Yes and no. Because I'm not addicted to alcohol. This time, it was the first time in a long time. It's more of a problem because people take notice of that and think there's no problem at all.
Speed: Hmm...true. There's a problem, but then not. At least not the problem people want to make it out to be.
Drizzle: It's really a societal issue. Because the issue is this: with most drunks, no one asks why they're drunks.
Speed: This is true. And people don't want to talk about why they're drunks and whatnot.
Drizzle: There's usually a reason.
Drizzle: But, since when did humans care about other humans?
Speed: Well...we've discussed this in our previous discussions.
Drizzle: Aight. I mean, it's a world where people willingly poison themselves to escape the pain.
Speed: That's a pretty fucked-up world.
Drizzle: I mean, just listen to me! "I know it's gonna kill me and I...don't...care."
Speed: And you're one of the "sane" ones about this sort of thing from who I've discussed it with.
Drizzle: I've brought people from the brink before. For instance, I know what drags you down. And I WILL REACH INTO HEAVEN AND DRAG YOUR SCREAMING SOUL BACK! Because I know. I've been there. I'm not saucing up because I just need alcohol. It's because it's my momentary escape. I know my problems will be there tomorrow. But, fuck it. You can't allow yourself to believe the answer to your problems are at the bottom of the glass.
Speed: Again, we live in a fucked up world.
Drizzle: Fine. But, you barely get time to freak out or process the shit that's done.
Speed: True. I mean, shit! My mom died on a Saturday morning, 8:57 A.M. was the time of death. By that afternoon, I already had to start making funeral arrangements. By that Sunday, the next fucking day, I already had to have the funeral home all but picked out for the hospital to ship the body over.
Drizzle: See? All that unreleased stress in one weekend. Gotta cathart, bro. It just so happens that one of the ways I do so is by embracing vice. As a sidenote, Compton: A Soundtrack starts slow, then just becomes the album of the year out of nowhere.
Speed: It was a great album. And vice, to be for real? It's a decent way to cathart. At times (laughs).
Drizzle: Vice is never "good." But, it's fun and nondestructive. If controlled.
Speed: But...some can't control it--
Drizzle: Or they can, but they don't.
Speed: Because some feel "why should I?" Especially since, to go back to our relevancy talk, they wonder if anything they do is relevant. So, they feel like "fuck it" even more so--
Drizzle: So the seven fucks what?! Sack up, admit your problems suck, and solve them. Once you do that, then indulge all your want.
Speed: All I can say is "yep."
Drizzle: Everybody has habits and vices. I get that. Just don't let them control you.
Drizzle: So, from the point of view of a guy who says he indulges too much at times? I say it's tragic.
Speed: That people can't control it? I agree...
Drizzle: Yes, I got my bills paid. Yes, I don't hurt anyone. Yes, I excel at my job. Yes, I do right by the folks. So, the only way I'ma sit down and say I'm done is if I'm dead? Tragic.
Speed: Yes...a bit, at the least. So, with that said, "what now?"
Drizzle: Two choices: Either you do what the world says you should do...or you go about your business. At the end of the day, if you've got to shut your shit down? Then shut your shit down!
Speed: Eventually we all will. I mean, we all die eventually. But, yeah.
Drizzle: If you're gonna go months without thinking about it, then why stress yourself?
Speed: True. And, as long as you can control and beat the dragon? Do you. If that's how you're going to ride out about it.
Drizzle: Like I said, I'm probably not gonna go onto another bender until Christmas. And that's different. That's family. Don't go side-eyeing me, neither. I can sit here and put you under the table or I can sit here and DD your ass stone sober. Just depends on what I feel like doing.
Speed: I'm not side-eyeing you. (draws side-eye emoji) This is a side-eye (laughs). Besides, we've all seen my worst moments where you've had to reach to heaven to pull my screaming soul back, as you put it. So, I'd be the last to side eye.
Drizzle: Also, this is a side-eye (shows the following gif to Speed)
Speed: (laughs) Asshole.