Not-So Social Media, Take Three: DRNK TXT Rmeo

(Disclaimer: Alcohol abuse isn't a funny thing. That's not what we're talking about here. If you're using alcohol to cope/"escape", take it from me. Get help, because the same shit you're trying to run away from will still be there when you sober up. However, I'm still under the impression that, if you can handle alcohol, and you want to go get a drink and maybe make a slightly impaired decision? As long as you're not hurting yourself or anyone, fuck it. You only live once. Just don't die trying to live. Figure I'd put that out there in case my therapists and whatnot lurk on my websites)

My name is Speed and, for many intents and purposes, I have had a drinking problem. It's not exactly that I drink too much. It's more that I, like Keef, Bon Iver, and Yeezy, can't handle my liquor at times. And when that happens, more often than not, these [women] can't handle me. The main thing that I've been known to do, aside from drunk freestyle and sometimes want to scrap with people who clown my mom in a bar, when my liquor gets the best of me, is engage in the drunk text.

Now, I'm a pretty smooth guy, when I want to be, when it comes to the opposite sex. I don't spit game, I speak truth. Women love truth. Guys do, too, even when you're referring to an orgasm (more on that at a later date). Now, add in to that truthiness an insatiable urge to engage in coital exercises and you've got, well, a DRNK TXT Rmeo.

A "Drunk Text Romeo," derived from the Gym Class Heroes song of the same name, is an already flirty guy (or girl) who, when sauced, has that ramped up to eleven and ends up trying to talk the pants off someone in the hopes of getting some ass. It's a normal thing. Alcohol lowers inhibitions, and if you're already a hornball, lowered inhibitions are just going to make you want to smash something that much more. Sometimes, it's because we hate sleeping alone and we actually really like the person. Other times, we're just horny, hate sleeping alone, and sex feels good. Other times still, there are some deeper psychological issues which I'm not trained to discuss. Whatever the case may be, the end result with a DTR is usually sexually charged. And yes, fuck what you think: cuddling is still sexually charged, even if it's more intimate than sexual.

But, can being a DTR be a bad thing?

Fuck, yeah!

I think that I've laid that out there far too many times for you to not know that. However, if you're single/have an agreement and you can deal with potentially Tindering someone you may regret sleeping with, for whatever reason, go for it. As long as you don't hurt anyone, a couple drunk texts won't hurt you, since you can usually say "my bad. I take responsibility for what I said. I was drunk, but I take responsibility."

Just don't say "ILY" to that one girl you had a crush on in high school who you didn't end up with because you two were on two different wavelengths and you kind of became infatuated with her even though you two strictly said your relationship would be platonic. Because that, my friends, isn't being a DTR. That's being "stuck on her." And that, truly, is the worst thing to do (+1 if you can name the old Speed on the Beat song I'm referring to).

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