Lumidee - Lumi Mini-Review

I'm trying to turn over a new leaf in music. I want to cast aside the days of acerbic wit and stinging commentary and replace them with a kinder, gentler Speed on the Beat.

At least the cover art is cool, right?

After hearing Lumidee's newest mixtape, those kinder, gentler times will have to wait at least one more day.

The former "Never Leave You (Uh Oooh, Uh Oooh)" singer returns to a game that's changed a lot in the decade-plus since she first dropped that infectious single. Female singers who can spit a dope bar or sixteen are damn near a dime a dozen (and vice versa), digital releases are commonplace, and New York isn't the de facto, go-to spot for the newest hip-hop trends. So, what's a girl to do? Well, on Lumi, released earlier this week, Lumidee:
  • Gets her 2006-era YouTube mainstream remix on--complete with looped instrumentals straight out of 2003 ("Hideaway," "3005," and "Shake It Off" get this treatment)
  • Gets her The Weeknd/Jhene Aiko on.
  • Gets her Major Lazer on.
  • Seems a bit confused as to whether she wants to return as a rapper who can sing, or a singer who can rap. 
  • Does neither of the above all that well.
  • Doesn't do too much to get the world popping off about her again.
  • Gets washed by her guest stars, who range from Termonlogy to Chris Rivers.
Now, Lumidee has a top-ten hit and I've probably been hit ten times by a car (not all at once, though). But, this isn't "hate." A boring mixtape is a boring mixtape, regardless of who puts it out. If I put out something boring, I'd say "holy crap, this is boring as hell. Walk away." But, for those waiting on Lumidee to have a U.S.-based comeback, this isn't it. It's not a bad mixtape per se, it's just boring as all hell. It brings absolutely nothing that awe-inspiring to the table. Plus, the production aside from a few standouts, sounds like something I would've (ahem) "borrowed" from someone's Soundclick when I still thought about sexing Ms. Pink Jacket or some foolishness.

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