Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Speed on the Beat - "Owning Up (Realization of Evil Hands Self-Propriated)"



So, the time has come for another Speed on the Beat single from the upcoming no-fi epic Songs For... (The Rebirth and Evolution of the Modern Male). I planned to drop the introduction track "The Vent" as the next single, but feel that this song better suits.
A part of Songs For is my attempt to answer the question "what happens to a man who has been through hell and back and wishes to stay out of hell?" This is, in some ways, supplementary to the idea of rebirthing and evolving oneself past the foolishness that they partake in sometimes. 

I think that one of the first steps to avoid relapsing into any negative behavior is to admit your own flaws and faults in the affair--that's something AA, NA, and I all agree on. I don't necessarily agree with the whole "you're powerless" thing, but hey. As you have probably heard from the One Year Later release, in the time I recorded OYL and began to work on S4, all hell broke loose and I ended up in a slew of sticky situations. At the end of the day, as displayed at the end of OYL, I break free of that "old Speed" through, essentially, killing my "self." You psych majors out there probably would say that I had a psychotic break because my id began to overtake my ego and superego. And, in order to become "whole" again, I had to realize my problem(s), deal with them, and know that I can't let one portion of my psyche completely overtake others--lest I'm completely fucked up and doomed to die and never reach the heights that I should as a husband, a lover, a father, and just a human being.
Anyhow, with "Owning Up," I use a snippet of "Heartbreaker" when talking a bit more about "The Dezeray Situation" and how I felt about it while clouded, and my wrongs in the situation. But, more importantly, I sampled a voicemail that I, drunkenly, angrily, and probably highly, sent to Raquel 12/31/2011. In this voicemail, I tried to explain my clouded reasoning (i,e "tried to justify most of what I spoke on in 'One Year Later'"). After going through some counseling for the whole thing, included mandated DUI counseling, I began to finally realize (again) that I needed to, well, own up to my "handiwork." Add this to my chronicling of some of the events that transpired and you've a sad portrait of a broken man, and a hopeful brash proclamation from that same man to be better this time around. You only live twice and I'm on life three already, so this is it for me. I'm 25-ish and I refuse to fail anymore, in any way.

As I've mentioned to bloggers that I've submitted tracks to, my story is one of redemption. It may not be the most-polished or even the most pleasant to listen to, but it's my story.


Songs For drops 8.17.13. Yes, that is a Saturday, and yes, that's my 25th birthday

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