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Johnthan Speed Johnthan Speed Author
Title: Dear Internet Rappers, Part Three (or "Why I Can Tell You This")
Author: Johnthan Speed
Rating 5 of 5 Des:
Always great to start a post off with candy. As long as it's not nose candy. That's bad. Anyhow (I know, it's hard to take you...
Always great to start a post off with candy. As long as it's not nose candy. That's bad.

Anyhow (I know, it's hard to take your eyes of Naya Rivera and put them back here), let us begin.

I apologize in advance about the potential tone of this letter. I'm not trying to bitch, but the air must be cleared.


Dear Internet Rappers,

I've gotten some backlash, it seems, for attempting to help you not make buffoons of yourselves when talking to people about your music. Most of these critiques seem to stem from people feeling that I'm talking out of my ass. Either that, or that I'm in the same category as them because I also create and release "rap music" on the internet.

Let it be known that I, Speed on the Beat, have studied hip-hop--and music as a whole in some way--for over 20 years (yes, that means since I was in elementary school; I was always pretty advanced for my age). I have contributed to articles on hip-hop, including talking about the DMV rap scene and the influx of Baltimore Club music in the mid-2000s. I obtained my Bachelor's in English with a "minor" in sociology from a Public Ivy. I have spoken with many of your favorite bloggers outside the confines of "hey, dude, peep my shit." I have reviewed, critiqued, and evaluated some of your favorite artists (local and otherwise), down to the way that they enunciate a specific syllable in a rhyme. Throughout my almost twenty-five years on this planet, I have dedicated myself to elevating those around me--even when my own situations were less than stellar at times. I've interned with marketing firms and the like. I've done sales and marketing for years. I am quite efficient in brand management and marketing analytics. And, finally, I have common sense and put it to good use every second I'm alive.

Simply put, I'm not just talking out of my ass. If I were, I sure as hell wouldn't waste my time on trying to help you all. I'd probably spend it talking about video games, or Farrah's porno movie (which was kind of disheartening. Why? Because the happiest you'll probably ever see Farrah--even in regards to her kid--is in the flick, with a peen in her ass and whatnot. I'm not "slut shaming" or whatever, but it's just sad. She looks genuinely happy in the flick, and not even with her kid. WTF?!) or something other than attempting to assist those in need.

Regarding the second segment of the critique, I have done more musically than some of these "artists" could even imagine of doing. I have been signed twice, both times opting to leave decent amounts of fame, money, and publicity because of the bureaucracy of the labels and the way that they treated other artists. One of these labels, a smaller indie label based out of St. Louis at the time, went under a few years back because I exposed them for the weak-minded, business sense-retarded individuals they were. That's what happens when someone attempts to ruin, sully, or maliciously attack my name. I respond.

For you, Random Rapper #1831, to call me "just another internet rapper" like yourself is a horrible misrepresentation of my abilities, my pedigree, and my mental capacity. Yes, I release hip-hop music through Soundcloud like you, use digital distribution for my "no-fi" music, and use YouTube and Twitter like you. That is where the comparisons, my friend, end. For unlike you, I have sold copies of my music outside the comfy confines of my clique. I will not ask you to Google me for more information about me, as several of you all have when talking to me. I did. There's nothing on you, at all. And your rap name is shared by three other artists. GTFOHWTBS).

In closing, to those that found my previous letters offensive, rude or what have you, I've two things to say.

First, grow a tougher skin. If I got to you with truth, what are you going to do when a blogger or A&R or a bigger artist calls you out on your fuckery? What are you going to do if you actually do get through to Shake and Meka, and they call your music trash? Music is a harsh business. It is not for the faint of heart. If you can't take my criticisms--and they're still nicer than what I could have said--you need to reconsider your love of music. Ask yourself "is this a hobby that I'll do for 'my niggas' (who aren't really friends, for real. Because if they were, they'd tell you if your music is ass at any given point. Shoutout to Drizzle, SlashTrue and the rest of the team) or is this something I want to pursue outside of my team?" Because if your answer is the second, you can't be, for the lack of a better term, bitchmade when it comes to music. People will call you out if you're coming incorrect. Either get your head out your ass and listen to criticism (constructive criticism, mind you) or get the fuck out the way and leave this to real men and women.

I tried to tell 'em, Yeezy.
Second, and lastly, get off your high horse. There's a reason why you're still struggling to get a single person to listen to your shit. If you're not willing to learn, you will never, ever make it anywhere. And, that's outside of music. If you can't do either of those two things (grow a tougher skin and listen/get off your high horse), I tried. But, you, my friends, can not be saved. Good luck with McDonalds.

-Speed

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