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Johnthan Speed Johnthan Speed Author
Title: Glee.
Author: Johnthan Speed
Rating 5 of 5 Des:
Ok, fine, assclowns of the world. I have watched an episode of Glee or two or most of the series. I've still gotten laid more times tha...
Ok, fine, assclowns of the world. I have watched an episode of Glee or two or most of the series. I've still gotten laid more times than you've brushed your teeth.

I don't watch for its brutally honest portrayal of high school life in Middle America for LBGT students and "geeks" and/or members of "geeky" clubs, such as the Glee Club (that's been done substantially better in Queer as Folk and Revenge of the Nerds, respectively). I don't watch for the 1/4 chance that I'll see up one of the Cheerios! member's skirts while dancing and live out some weird, pervy, high school sex fantasy through the palm of my hand and Naya Rivera on my boob tube.

I watch because it's such a fucking trainwreck of a show. It's not like Degrassi: The Next Generation Degrassi: No One's Here From the Original Sans Mr. Principal Simpson and Cassie Steele's Sister as Another Character, where it was so bad it was good and it was funny to laugh at Jimmy's numerous fails. (Ed. Note: I know, I know. The "Handicapable" aren't fun to laugh at in real life. But, Drake fails on a seemingly regular basis in real life. Therefore, it's fucking hilarious to watch Wheelchair Jimmy flop to the floor, and not even a good flop. It's like a John Cena trying to sell being hit on his "injured arm" after Extreme Rules bad. Yes. I did just reference WWE.)
Whatever it takes, I know I can--awww, fuck this.

It's not even like, say, Secret Life, also known as That One Show That'll Repeat the Same Fucking Topic of the Day 1000 Times Until Teens and Young Adults Get It. No, Glee is a show where we're supposed to like all the characters for staring in the eyes of adversity and--ok, I'm sorry, I keep laughing at Drake falling. I swear, it's like the Nyan Cat of fails. Anyhow, the characters of Glee aren't really all that likable.

Kurt is basically your cliched gay guy with a bit of realism and humanity thrown in. I mean, geez, Ryan and Company, we get it. He's gay, you're gay, he's gay in real life. Do we really need all the random "oh, hey, gay people should know this one" jokes from him? I'm sure Chris Coffer is a great guy in real life, but his character is annoying. Rachel is your whiny, everything-must-be-perfect Jewish girl and Finn is your jock. Oddly, these are three of the most beloved characters on the show. How the fuck are your three most-popular characters the worst-written ones in the show (at this point)? The best characters on the show are the ones that have a couple random lines (Brittany and Sugar Motta come to mind) that just WTF-bitchslap you in the mouth and keep it moving most of the time.

And, if you haven't been watching, that's what you've really missed on Glee.


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